and to tell the truth she has never been the kind of student that you'd ever
think that someday she would get into Harvard...
(unlike my other friend the Microsoft guy who rejected his defer into MIT and stayed in Seattle, to everyone's disappointment... :P)
plus, I barely know her, except that we were in the same group at Orientation 4 years ago.
but I sincerely congratulated her, I truly did.
only as I was doing so, I wondered how many people there would think I was,
"like always," just pretending to be sincere?
yeah, ok--a little bit of envy is most definitely involved (well, who wouldn't be?!),
considering that school was the ONLY school I ever wanted to go to until I was 15 and realized
that even with all my luck, I would still lack the brains to get in.
but still, I didn't act like some other person who went to the desert for M.L.
and was forever yelling about how hard the work was--like no other grad program could beat hers...
(hello~ if you were in Yale or Oxford, then you would have a good reason to say so...)
I congratulated her (the Harvard M.Ed. to-be) and people still think I'm pretentious.
my friends--the ones that know that my straightforwardness isn't cuz I want to be "different" from a social reserved majority, but because I was born that way-- say that they are lucky to have me as a sincere friend.
but those whom I've crossed tempers with "asserts" to others that I'm a self-centered, two-faced b*tch who never shows sincerity to anyone.
how ever do these judgments on my character be so extreme?
I try to block it, try to stay on the bright side with friends who appreciate me for who I am,
but it always comes back once in a while,
bringing back with it all the heartbrokeness when he--the only guy next to my father that I've ever entrusted myself to completely--decided to act like I never existed,
because he chose to listen to his so-called brothers, who never took a liking to me.
my colleague said to me, "I'm surprised that a smart girl like yourself would go out with this kind of guy for three years. Are you sure your power was on when you said 'yes' to him?"
well, when you've known someone for 10 years, there are some things about him/her that you choose to overlook until it blows up in your face.
and now, I have a really sore throat :(
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